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The Machinations of Leonardo Leonardo

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17th September 2004

11:40pm: Why
Why does everything have to end badly? Why doesn't anything ever end well. But, I guess, if it didn't end badly, it wouldn't end. Sigh. I guess I'll go lick my wounds and go to bed.
Current Mood: confused

29th August 2004

12:10pm: My feet hurt. Stupid dancing shoes. But they do make my legs look great, so maybe I shouldn't complain.

Fun was had last night. I'm sick now...rode in Chris's Miata with the top down...in the rain. It was amazing. Great night.

Happy Birthday Christy!!

26th August 2004

8:08pm: New Icon
Sorry...this pist is really to show off my new icon. :)

Anyway...off to church. Much love to all.

I miss you, darling.

Shannon :)
Current Mood: creative

19th August 2004

8:54pm: Sigh
I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ready to go back to school. Can you tell?? :)

I miss my boyfriend...

strike that...

I miss my fiance. Arg. I hate this being 100 miles apart. I'm going crazy!!!! I miss you honey. :(


Sigh. I'm actually ready for class. I want to practice. That fact alone shows how long and horrible my summer was. Dr. G. will be so excited to hear this little tidbit.

Tomorrow seems so far away. I hope I make it.
Current Mood: lazy

30th July 2004

2:32am: Arg.
That's right kids...grounded again. Dad got the phone bill. Yeah. So. Sucks. I'm tired of being 12. I'm paying the damn bill. I don't know why this should be a bad thing. He doesn't have to pay the bill, I don't ask him for money, he doesn't pay for my car, I don't even eat at home anymore, but somehow, I am a constant drain on his wallet, and therefore unworthy of his fatherly love. He's never been affectionate, but shit man, I don't think the old guy even likes me anymore. Arg
Current Mood: frustrated

29th July 2004

2:40am: Attack of the ex
Arg. Large amounts of arg.

Kait and I were at the mall today, and the Pretzel Jockey was working, and like a stupid head, I agreed to go say hi. Yeah...blah blah blah...yadda...yadda...yadda... we all (6 or 7 of us) ended up hanging out with each other after the DCI competition. Arg.

I don't still have feelings for him, not like "that" at least. Being around him made me feel complete somehow. I guess it's partially because he was such a HUGE part of my life for so long, and not having him around left a rather large void. Don't get me wrong, I love the boy, and I want nothing more than to spen the rest of my life with him. Arg. Arg. Arg.

I love you, my darling. Don't be mad.

P.S. I'm dying a slow and horrible death. Arg. Arg. Arg.
Current Mood: sick

28th July 2004

1:28am: Sigh
Sigh...Isn't love wonderful??

I love the butterflies. I love the goo-goo-eyes. I love the security. But more importantly (to me atleast) I love the absolute comfort afforded by unconditional love like...

*being able to scratch my ass
*being able to burp as loud as humanly possible
*being able to pick wedgies
*being able to go weeks on end without shaving my legs, but being just a beautiful
*being able to cuss like a sailor
*being able to pick out really bad movies and making him watch them anyway
*being able to fight about nothing just to "make-up"


I love you, my darling :)
Current Mood: sleepy

20th July 2004

3:39am: Meet my wonderful IKEA living room I made it myself. Look at me, I'm a designer!!
                                                             One room down, 5 to go!!!                                                                          I<3winkle
Current Mood: accomplished

18th July 2004

2:37am: Hmmmm,,,,,,,...
1. Who did you last get angry with?: my best friend
2. What is your weapon of choice?: my sharp tounge
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?:yes
4. How about of the same sex?: yes
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: my best friend
6. What is your pet peeve?: stupid people who don't know they're stupid
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: depends, usually let go

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?: shower
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?:5 P.M
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Kait
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?:??
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)?: yes.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?: today
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: 7

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: Starbucks Half Skim Hot Chocolate with extra foam and fat-free whipped cream with caramel
2. Meat eater?: yes.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: too much
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: no
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?:depends on the day
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: salty
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"?: buh?

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: 7 boys, 5 girls
2. People have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: 12
3. You ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of YOUR gender of choice during a normal conversation?: yes.
4. Have you "done it"?: not in a while, but, yes.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?: smile (and ass)
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: no.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?: yes

1. How many credit cards do you own?: 2
2. your guilty pleasure store?: anything shoe related
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: buy a Civic, a nice house, and an assload of IKEA furniture
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?: rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?: yes
6. Have you ever stolen anything?: candy, cd's, nail polish, weed, 3 boys virginities
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?: 200-ish

1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?: damn... prolly dancing
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?: they're not
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?: get the fuck out of here
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: second place... what's that???
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?: yes.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?: yes.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of?: told my boyfriend that I'm not sleeping with him until we're married
Current Mood: accomplished

17th July 2004

3:40am: Big Decision
I've decided something. Jeremy is going to shit when he see's this... (Honey, I would have told you, but it's 4 in the morning, and it was an epiphany so don't hate me)

I'm not having sex again until I'm married. I came to realize that I put far too much emphasis on physicality. It makes me feel guilty and empty, because there are so many more things that I should be focusing on besides getting laid. I do enjoy sex, but it, like so many other things, can wait. So there. I feel really whoreish and dirty for the way I've been acting as of late. Summer creates "idle hands," so to speak, so, in retaliation to the hot season's attempt to turn me into a sex starved maniac, I guess I'm making a new summer's resolution. No sex until my wedding night. Hell, some people make it 20, 25 years, so I think I can make it a couple. Whew. I feel better, mentally and spiritually. Physically, I'm weeping, but 2 out of three ain't bad.
Current Mood: rejuvenated

15th July 2004

4:52am: I cry until my stomach aches and my teeth hurt. I weep until it feels like my eyes are trying desperately to free themselves from my face. I think I sob so hard, so loudly, because I feel like you'll hear me and come running to my side, where you belong. When you're not here, the air doesn't smell right, water doesn't taste right, life around me looks like a caracture- like I'm looking at the passing world in a carnival mirror- distorted, frightening, and grostesquely unreal. I need you, my love- so much.
Current Mood: melancholy
2:39am: So...I just got done watching "Requiem for a Dream" and now my soul feels funny. I don't know how I feel about it, I'll tell you tomorrow

14th July 2004


I took the survey that Jeremy had on his last post, about the IMBD's 100 Best Movies, and I have seen 82 of them...he's seen 21. I need to get out more.

on a different note...we went to see "Farenheight 9/11" wow. I'm going with wow.

Sigh. I miss my boy already. I've found, over the course of this summer, that keeping up a relationship while being Rapunzel, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or any other imprisoned fairy tale, is extremely difficult. I'm really not liking being 12 again. I don't know how to cope. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I don't think I'm going to make it.

10th July 2004

3:55am: I really have gone soft, haven't I?
Lose Your Way

I have no confidence
And I can’t see why I should
But I could do most anything for you
And you know I would

I try too hard
And then I give up way too easily
I'm the runner up inside of you
And you’re the winner inside of me

Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go

I still wish on the evening star
And I s’pose I always will
Every child loses something
A whole life can’t fulfill
And when you cry I feel the sky
Burst open in my veins
If loving you makes a slave of me
Then I'll spend my whole life in chains

Lose your way
And I will follow
Here today
And here tomorrow
Like my freedom I know
I’ll never let you go.
Walk the line
I’ll walk inside you
Change your mind
Let your love decide you
It’s the reason I know
You’ll never let me go

I love you, my darling
Current Mood: thoughtful
3:49am: hehehehe

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

6th July 2004

3:37am: Did you ever realize that attacks of nostalgia, while wonderful in their own right, are depressing if you don't share them with someone who shares the same memories? What is the a preface to, you ask...

I found a mystery tape that belongs to a video camera. So, I put it in the adapted and popped it in the ol' VCR. Woosh!!! (that's the time warp sound) I am now watching "THE AGE OF STEEL!" as performed by... the often imitated, never duplicated, pride of Western Arkansas, the Van Buren High School Marching Pointer Band! (the intro was for you, Anna) For thoses of you who are not marching whores, this would be the show from my junior year. I was so freakin' thin! It's insane!! The tape goes on and Woosh!! it's "CYBERTOPIA" (senior year) I'm still gimpy. It's funny to watch me run. However...I didn't realize how fat I had gotten after I blew my knee. Shit! Anyway... All I wanted to do was push Kait and scream "Oh my god, look at Alana fuck up! Man, we should have kicked her in the ass everyday!" (once again, for those of you not in the know, this was a fairly common conversation)...

Anyway...I feel better now.

I miss my boy.

Anna, you have to wear pink taffta. I'm an evil bride! :)
Current Mood: nostalgic

1st July 2004

2:20am: Last one (well, first one that you read, last one i'm doing)
My Best Friend is winkleplek
Our 7 common interests are: buffy, cigarettes, dance dance revolution, family guy, johnny the homicidal maniac, rent, singing
Who is your best friend?
Created by macoto
1:26am: #4
Sigh phoenix
You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your
wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame,
they burn with light and power and rebirth.
Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an
amazingly strong person. You survive, even
flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm
believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill
you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear
failure. You know that any mistake you make
will teach you more about yourself and allow
you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater
being. Because of this, you rarely make the
same mistake twice, and are not among the most
forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and
wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion,
and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you
were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or
maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality
and know that life is tough and the world is
cruel, and it takes strength and independence
to survive it. And independence is your
strongest point - you may care for others, and
even depend on them...but when it comes right
down to it, the only one you need is yourself.
Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on
a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your
wings to guide you.You are eternal and because
you have a strong sense of who and what you
are, no one can control your heart or mind, or
even really influence your thinking. A symbol
of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very
spiritual person with a serious mind - never
acting immature and harboring a superior
disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's
stupidity and tendency to want others to solve
their problems for them frustrates you
endlessly. Though you can be stubborn,
outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly. Image Source:

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
1:26am: #3
Fuck the Noth and NorthEast!!!
create your own personalized map of the USA or write about it on the open travel guide
1:20am: #2

How evil are you?
1:19am: Quiz 1 of 8- ba-gillon!!! (I'm bored)
What are the odds?!?!?

Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

26th June 2004

3:00pm: Stream of Conciousness

Happiness Is... 



ham sandwiches with extra mustard

putting your pants in the freezer before you put them on and go out in this blasted heat

ring shopping


drinking with old friends

being proud of your self control

kissing your soulmate

watching Ferris Beuler for the 27th time

short skirts


Disney World

impressions of Jabba the Hut

breaking the snort record


Unhappiness is...

working at Burger King

not seeing the one you love everyday

150 channels, nothing to watch

being broke...not just broke, but searching the couch cushions for gas money

being lonely

comparing yourself to other people

the pure unadulterated fear of seeing your ex for the first time in 3 months

sexual frustration

being stuck in a small town when you know you deserve so much more





being away from school and feeling your brain slowly atrophy and seep out your ears

being 12


Kidnap me, my darling!


Current Mood: tired

24th June 2004

4:12pm: Sigh... I'm defective.

Now I have to go to work.

Sigh...Pity Party.

Want to come? Oh yeah, I forgot...not with me.

18th June 2004


Adopt Your Own Emo Kid!

17th June 2004

3:41pm: Sigh`

I miss the boy.

Sunday is his birthday. The Big 2-2. Woohoo! I'm driving him crazy with gift talk. He makes me giggle. I love him like whoa (that's for you, roomie) Anyway...I'm hungry and I keep thinking about the big birthday dinner on Sunday night. Shogun's in Fayetteville. I don't know how I feel about the # of peeps going, all 12 of us, but hey, the more the merrier, I guess. Oh well...time for work.

I have to go hawk a game so i can buy ciggies. Sigh. It's all gravy.

p.s. Isn't getting laid wonderful?

Current Mood: content
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